The holidays are normally something to look forward to. To get excited about. But, when you're dealing with a narcissist, and that narcissist is your ex, and you share children, it can be incredibly stressful.
Why?
Because they always need everyone to be focused on them. And holidays, special occasions, others birthdays, special events, are not about them. The focus is off of them. So, to refocus everyone's attention, they create chaos, drama, stress, issues, mountains out of molehills. This way, everyone is back to focusing on them and only them. Remember, they don't care what sort of attention they get, so long as they get attention, good or bad.

So, here are a few tips and tricks to make your life easier during the holidays:
Stick to your parenting plan. Do not deviate. "At this time, we need to stick to our plan."
Set your own boundaries around your time, your communication, your energy. And stick to them.
Ensure you have a support system in place to help you navigate it all.
Ensure you also up your own self care game. Take time for yourself- you simply can't pour from an empty cup. By filling your cup back up, you'll be better able to cope with their chaos.
Try not to engage in their attempts to provoke or manipulate you. Any emotion you provide them is FUEL for them. If they start going down a path, simply say something superficially friendly and then exit the conversation. "Now is not a good time to talk about this. I'm sorry you feel this way, I can understand how frustrating it could be for you."
Reminder: if you don't have your children for specific special days, you have to release that and focus on creating amazing memories on the dates you have them.
Think of it this way: your children now get two special events. One with their other parent and one with you.
Either spend the day alone and focused on your self care, or surround yourself with friends and family. Fill your cup back up. And then, when your children return to you, you're rested, happy and can meet them where they need to be met. And then celebrate your day with them.
Focus on what you can control and not on them. This is where your power lies.
I hope you find the magic in the holidays and that you and your children experience so much joy.
With love, always,
Chantal xo
コメント